


The Helpless

by distressed_bucky



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Captain America: The First Avenger, Hamilton References, Homosexuality, Period-Typical Homophobia, These two go through a lot, They have each other, but its ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 19:42:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13864665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/distressed_bucky/pseuds/distressed_bucky
Summary: Peggy and Steve loved each other, but not the way everyone assumed.





	The Helpless

_**"Peggy confides in me."** _

**[Chapter one]**

Peggy Carter was a woman ahead of her time, while Steve Rogers was a man that actually ended up ahead of his time.

Peggy was a fierce, headstrong woman that intimated most men and aggravated some, there was always the handful that were very much attracted to her dominant aura. Steve fell under one of those categories... Maybe one and a half. There was no denying that she was an attractive dame.

But Steve knew better than to tell her that. Although he'd probably never have a use for it, he very much wanted to keep his ability to have children.

The truth was, neither of them were probably ever going to contribute to conceiving a child. Unless Howard Stark decided to come up with anymore body enhancement serums that allowed two people of the same sex to make a baby, it wasn't going to happen. Steve and Peggy were already considered to be two very odd people, and to add another quality to the list that made them not normal to the eyes of the traditional people of their era, the pair was...how to put this delicately...

They were gay as fuck.

They were as straight as a damn curving rode.

Of course neither of them told anyone, for a while, they didn't even tell each other. It wasn't something normal. To be fair, neither was the idea of flying cars and creating genetically enhanced human beings, but those things were wanted by the public, fantasies people had that they willingly shared with others. Wanting to be with a person of the same gender wasn't a fantasy you proudly shared with a friend, that's what things were like for Peggy snd Steve.

It was the most isolating feeling. Not being able to share who you truly are, what you truly feel. It was hell.

They both silently suffered until Peggy just couldn't take the restraint anymore and realised she wanted to die.

Yes. Death would relieve this suffering. Death would cancel out pain and the absence of love.

But Peggy was a woman that thought things through. She didn't act on impulse, she didn't allow these intrusive thoughts to get the best of her. Peggy Carter did not allow her feelings to steer her judgment. She was smart, and she'd be damned if she allowed herself to go out like a fool. Die by her own hand because she didn't know how to handle a few feelings? She'd handled armies of men, she could handle herself, so she did what she thought would help her best.

She went to Steve.

~

Brooklyn was cold and rainy the night Steve opened his door to a vulnerable and fragile Peggy. It was a rare sight that no one but him would ever see. Her eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks were streaked with tears, and her nose runny. Peggy was never seen dishivaled, her lipstick was never smudged and her uniform never wrinkled. Even after making lethal shots and brawling it out with criminals, she was always kept together, always perfect. But tonight was not the case.

No, tonight Peggy was an absolute mess.

_"Help me."_

Peggy chocked on her own sobs and sniffled for nearly an entire hour before she could even get her words out.

_"While it brings me a pleasure to admire a man of your build, I'm afraid I cannot appreciate it the same way other women do. You see, I'd rather gaze upon the spectators that gaze upon you."_

On top of Peggy's sexuality, Steve also found out that she spoke in poetic riddles that don't make much sense when she's emotional. It was an odd coping mechanism, but he ignored it and dealt with the issue at hand: his friend was hurting and was in need of support.

This was supposed to be Steve's strong suit. Helping people in danger and beating up bad guys, but Peggy was no damsel in distress and the only criminal here could not be fought with fists. How could he help her if he was fighting the same battle? He decided to play along with her

_"What if I told you, that I care nothing for the women admiring me, and would rather give my attention to the men envying me?"_

It took Peggy a moment to register what he was trying to say. It was his own way of confessing to her. They'd both said what they were trying to say without saying it.

_"You'd better not be making fun of me, Rogers. I swear on my life that I'll punch you in the face with the pistol in my coat."_

Peggy had gone to Steve's that night with the intention of getting saved, but they ended up saving each other. She saved Steve.

Something she wishes she could've done when it really mattered, but couldn't.

After that night they both felt lighter, not quite happy. They felt content and stronger. That was the last night they'd kept their secrets to themselves, it was also the last time Steve saw Peggy cry. It certainly wasn't the last time he heard her sobbing voice.

~

_"Peggy... this is my choice."_

He was going to crash. He was going to sacrifice his life for people he doesn't even know, people who probably would never give his name a second thought. He was going to be taken from her.

It wasn't fair. The universe could take anything it wanted, except for Steve. Anything but Steve. He was her friend, her life line. How would she live? How could she go on? Who would understand the way he does? Who would she go to?

_"Please don't do this. We have time, we can work it out."_

She was crying again, this time she didn't care who heard. The moment the intercoms went dead was the moment Peggy died too. Any hope of happiness for the future was gone, if she didn't have Steve, what did she have?

It never angered her that people assumed they were in a romantic relationship. It never bothered her that they were pinned as a couple. It never phased her that people didn't realise how platonic things between them were. But she was happy to be linked to him, happy to have known him, happy to have been his friend.

Peggy Carter truly was thankful for the blessing that was Steve Rogers.

_"Steve? Steve?"_

_"Steve?"_

**Author's Note:**

> Something I wrote a while back.
> 
> Enjoy...?
> 
> -k


End file.
